in spirit and in truth…

i waved a flag during church today. this may not seem like a big deal. or, it might seem like a weird deal, if you’ve never seen flags in church before. for those of you in that boat, just know that they are a form of worship. flowing material attached to a rod that allows you to express the words being sung around you and the ones being sung in your heart at the same time. it’s a brilliant idea. and i love doing it. in fact, there are few things i love more than worshiping the Lord with flags and dance. but, when i moved to birmingham, i suddenly decided that doing what i loved was not an option. too scary. too many new people. too many chances to make myself look foolish. i decided i should just stay in my pew and worship as best i could…preferably unnoticed…

and wouldn’t you know that God was not pleased with that?

more than that, He just flat out was not having it. wasn’t even going to acknowledge it. every sunday, there i was,  standing in my pew trying to worship the Lord, and all He could do was talk to me about going up there and getting a flag. and i would say no Lord, i can’t. by can’t…i meant won’t. which is a little thing called defiance. and the Lord, with the grace and patience of a loving Father, will not allow defiance to stay. because He knows it will ruin us. drag us away from the feet of our God and then leave us for dead in the wilderness.

God knew all of this. and i knew all of this. and over the last eight months i have felt Him prodding away at any sense of hesitation or defiance in my spirit, slowly and carefully removing them from my heart. now a few of those proddings were very direct. and i may or may not have rolled my eyes in public. but many of them were simply just consistent and quiet and kind. and though i tried very hard to ignore them, i knew a long time ago that i would have to give in. God’s love is just too inviting. and this morning, when the Lord whispered to me, yet again, go on child, worship like you were meant to…something in me just faded. my flesh. my rebellion. my fear. whatever part of me that had kept the fight going just fell away, and my heart was relinquished back to God.

with some amount of trembling, i walked myself to the right side of the church, just beside the altar, picked up a flag and began–for the first time since i moved here–to truly and whole heartedly worship the Lord.

and then, like every moment where we choose to set aside our excuses and finally follow Him, i immediately wondered why i had waited this long. as i waved this beautiful purple flag back and forth before the altar, a little clumsiness here and there, i recognized the folly in my shameless refusal, and knew that i knew that i knew that this was something i was meant for, that God had only been asking me to do what He had already purposed and planned for me. long ago. before i even came into existence. that’s how God works. plans to prosper and not to harm. and so i waved my flag, and i knew my God, and i told my flesh to just go ahead and get over it. nothing could move me from that spot.

in the physical, it was a tiny, almost insignificant event in the grand scheme of the entire service. most people simply watched a girl walk to the front and begin waving a flag. but if they had been wearing some wonderful apparatus that could let them see all that was happening in the spirit, they would have seen a young woman released from her own self-imposed chains bounding to the front and dancing with complete abandon before the Lord. because that’s exactly how it felt in my spirit. and i am thankful for it. and i hope that any of you who have ever felt that tug to step out and worship in a new way before your God will be encouraged, built up, and more willing to experience Him.

further up and further in, guys. that’s how we throw open the gates of the kingdom. peace of the Lord, and a happy pentecost.

with love,

sarah

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